The whole «who am I?» conversation is best continued with my therapist.
I opened my laptop and heard this loud buzzer noise (For those without a Mac computer, it sounds like the buzzer from Family Feud, the one where the big X appears to indicate a wrong answer). The buzzing sound is reminding me of something! Sure enough, the little square in the corner with the clock was there and it said, «REMINDER TOMORROW: EPIPHANY»
Is this the law of attraction at work? Is this the divine inspiration that I was reaching for? I had cleaned my home office over the weekend and I remember throwing out that old DVD, «The Secret.» Should I go through the garbage and find it again?
My second instinct was cynicism. Was this some terrifying computer virus attacking my hard drive? Did I catch something from downloading something that I found on Pinterest (Devil’s playground)?
I posted the experience on social media and a friend responded that he also had received the reminder of an impending epiphany on his laptop that morning and wondered what was happening.
Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser.
The online dictionary describes an epiphany as being «a sudden, powerful, and often spiritual or life changing realization that a character experiences in an otherwise ordinary moment.»
Finally I was going to have something really BIG to write about.
I wanted to call my mom and say, «Remember how I was a little disappointed that my childhood was normal and that I was a little sad that there was no one with (air quote) «problems» from which I could draw inspiration? Well, no worries, because TOMORROW I am scheduled to have an epiphany!»
What would it be like? I could not remember the last time I had an epiphany. I mean, a revelation yes, but epiphany?
That night I went to bed relatively early. I tried to pace myself. It isn’t every day that a girl wakes up knowing that she is going to experience an epiphany.
I turned the furnace up a bit and made a pot of coffee while stumbling around with a goofy smile on my sheet creased face.
It was my «remember this moment forever because your life is going to change after you experience the epiphany» face.
I poured my coffee and added the milk, not bothering to stir them together and headed for my big, cozy, living room chair.
I pulled up the ottoman where I could rest by freakishly short legs that would otherwise dangle without purpose.
Pausing, taking it all in: the Christmas tree still up and decorated in the corner of the room, the popcorn bowls from last night resting on the coffee table, the stain on the carpet where one of the dogs had made a «boo boo.»